So last Thursday, we headed out to the DCU center in Worcester for our date with destiny. Strike one was the jacked up parking prices at the surrounding garages. I had just been to a hockey game here a few weeks ago and paid $10 for parking. This time however, it was $20. Isn't that illegal?
We found our seats in the arena and waited for things to start. The stage was packed with all kinds of lighting rigs and framework and it really looked impressive. After we sat down, a group of people filled in the seats behind us and one guy in the group started telling the rest of the group how great this was going to be - and we got to listen. It seems he's seen the show about a hundred times and kept telling his friends how this was going to blow their minds. He liked to announce "We've got a virgin here! A TSO virgin" referring to one of the people in his group. The really disturbing thing was that I think he was referring to a woman who looked like it was his mother (and Grandmother to the kids in the group) - Ugh. He would also follow this announcement - and pretty much any other statement with a creepy "heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh" laugh.
He and another guy in his group talked about all kinds of things relating to the concert. They explored the quality of the position of these seats as opposed to being on the floor or on one of the other sides and how we should be able to see all the lasers and flames better. They told the "virgin" that they were going to be watching her face when things start up because she's just not going to believe it. It was pretty much like when you watch a movie with someone who's seen it before and they constantly say "Ooh, get ready, this part is funny."
The best part however was when they tried to estimate the size of the crowd. It started with "How many people do you think will fit in the arena" and one of them said "Probably about 90 to 100 thousand." I just about fell out of my chair. The DCU center is your typical multipurpose small city basketball/hockey/RV show arena and there is no way it seats more than about 15 thousand people. The other guy answers back "No, probably no more than 30 to 40 thousand since one end of the arena is blocked off for the stage." I figure 10 K max. One guys says "Yeah, they give $1 for each person to charity at each show so that's really great." A few minutes later, the guy snags an usher and asks the seating capacity. She says "12 to 13 thousand." "Oh."
Just before the show starts, local radio personalities (I guess) get on stage with some band members and present the check to the local charity. The amount? A little over 8 thousand dollars. From behind I hear "So if they give a dollar per person, that means... umm... there's... (frantic, complex calculations going on in his head), 8 thousand people here. Hmm, I guess we low balled that one huh? Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh" No, you twit, you over estimated it!
At one point the two guitarists each ran to opposite sides of the stage and the violin player was in the middle. Suddenly, their little stage areas began to lift up and the crowd went wild. Was it by magic? No, it was due to the scissor jacks that were completely exposed just hoisting the platform up. They could have easily put some black fabric in front of the platform that would unfold as the platform went up but nah, the Kubota jack from Taylor Rental will be fine with no covering. At one point, the light cage that lifted up at the start got into the act. It came down and went up a few times and the lights changed colors. Awesome!
Then, it got better. A narrator came out and began telling a Christmas story/poem - in the style of an evangelical preacher. At one point, I felt like turning to Deb and smacking her in the forehead to drive the demons from her soul. I only found out today, from reading the review in the paper, that the story was about a lost angel who was traveling around the world, observing the hardship and heartache of people until he/she/it found the Prince of Peace. At first I thought that meant she was looking for Michael Jackson but then I figured out who it was. Now, I'm fine with the story and the message but it was just so poorly done - the rhymes seemed like what a 10 year old would come up with to make things fit, and the delivery was so over the top - that I just couldn't stand it. The pattern was that the narrator would tell a little story and then the band would launch into a song - that basically had nothing to do with the story segment we just heard (I guess). At one point, snow (soap?) started falling from the light rigs in the ceiling and lasers began blasting around the arena. "Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh." Yeah, this was pretty cool - back in 1982 buddy.
Deb and I finally reached our saturation point and decided to leave. I have to admit that there was an ulterior motive. My weekly soccer game had been moved to Thursday and I had taken my stuff on the off chance that the concert would be over in time to make the game. I didn't have to twist Deb's arm though - she later said she was hoping I wasn't really enjoying it and was ready to leave almost from the beginning. Funny, I was thinking the same thing.
The irony is that I've since Googled the TSO, found their web site, and listened to some of their songs. I actually kind of like some of them. I think the over the top, amateurish production was what ruined it for me (Deb says "Nah, they just suck").
So, if you are a TSO virgin, I suggest you stay that way. Their ain't no morning-after pill for this mistake.
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